On a roller coaster this summer. Not a literal one (I hate them, plus I get motion sickness). I started the summer full of ideas. What I would do with my daughter. Day trips and the like. We decided to do a musical together. Footloose! Oh the flashbacks of music and clothing. Well, I figured if I’m in I’m dancing. A few late night rehearsals during the weeks, and Sundays. By the show I was getting a little fatigued. By the END of the shows, I was cooked. Fatigue slammed into me like a Mac truck. Pain increased too. Seems anytime I try to push thru, I pay for it after. Boy did I.
I was happy my friend invited me and my daughter down to the shore to their camper for a few days. Long drive, but this friend (Carolyn) is a doll. She is always asking what am I up for, knows I need to rest and nap whether I want to or not. Had great fun, my daughter got to learn boogie boarding, and I felt almost normal. At least we got away right? Drove LONG ride home (2-3 hours is really long when fatigue slams you). Quick rest, GNO! Friend up from VA, good night but early. Saturday I rested. I was toast. Physically, mentally, just DONE! So hubby has big surprise outing planned. Stop at church to talk to pastor (who called to ask me up for a few questions). NOT! Hubby planned a SURPRISE PARTY for me! I loved that, the thought was great, very happy about it. Don’t get me wrong. But holy hell I was exhausted!!! So more recovery time. Never ending.
It is so hard to explain recovery time. Knowing going into an event of any kind that I will have to plan in an estimated amount of days AFTER to recoup. Most people don’t get it. See, I need time to rest after getting a shower or shaving. They are draining! Throw in other activity, it’s taking a LOT out of me. But if I don’t DO something normal from time to time, mentally it can be devastating. The feeling of uselessness, guilt, and sadness can be crushing. So, though it really throws me for a loop to do these big (for me anyway) activities, I need them. To feel human. To NOT feel like this disease is the one in control. I may get down, but I won’t give up and I won’t give in.