I have been going back and forth trying to get my medication started. Finally worked it all out with the MS Lifelines and Aetna. Thank God for the Access Made Simple they have (mslifelines). I only pay $50 a month as opposed to over $200 a month. Set up the visit with the nurse. Just found out she comes one time!! I was very freaked out. Once? To give myself a needle, train my hubby (and me) on all that is so foreign? UGH!  I was reassured she would come if I needed anything, so that helps. The reality of this MS thing is slowly sinking in. Three times a week I have to take (give myself) this medication. And how will I feel? Side effects? How long til I see a difference in my symptoms? Will it only stop the disease progression and not help my symptoms? MS is so varied from all I am reading, it is scary.

I am so fatigued sometimes I can’t do much of anything. The pain I get is so bad, same thing, can’t do anything. I push thru a lot so I can do things with my daughter. I hate having to nap out of necessity. Naps should be, I don’t know, NOT “Oh I can’t get my body up I am in such need of rest”, but “oh, I think I’ll lay down and take a nap”. Something like that. My naps are necessary. And my girl is so good about it. She will either lay with me (thank God cause she gave up napping by age 2 1/2) and rest, or read and play quietly. [Unless she decides there are important things to say or ask every 15 minutes like “Mommy, zhu zhu pets have a NEW CAR!!!”, yeah, then not so helpful]

There are always new little things my body decides to try too. I was in church Sunday and suddenly got humming in my ears, couldn’t hear out the left ear, and the right ear the pastor sounded like he was in a tunnel. It passed after 4-5 minutes, but freaky. I had humming before but not like this; this was just wierd.

There are other things that haven’t changed, but haven’t gotten any better. My word recall sucks. A lot. It drives me crazy not to think of regular words to explain things. Like car. ” I left my jacket in the……..um……”. Way annoying. The pain and fatigue too. When I get a day not as bad as usual, I try to get out and do what I normally can’t. Trick is to do this without pushing too far. Will be a learning process.

All in all, I still consider myself lucky. Though there are better things out there, there are worse too. Glass both half empty and half full I suppose. Either way, the Lord will pull me thru (or push or carry depending on the day).

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