So how do I feel? Tired, achy, having pain….my normal (that I push thru every day). On Wednesday I kept loosing my balance. Almost toppled my daughters breakfast on her! So, it became a cane day. I was given a field vision test. Never thought an eye test could be so exhausting!! And I didn’t nap. Not usually a good thing for me.

I am happy to have found a chat room on MSWorld on my iPod. Really nice to just talk with others who have MS about symptoms, how we feel about others not getting how we feel. For example:

     one hand: don’t want to complain all the time about pain, fatigue, etc for that day.

     other hand: want people, especially those close, to know how you are feeling so they can help (or adjust their expectations)

     one hand:  don’t want to ask for help all the time

     other hand: not asking for help can leave me in worse shape, maybe for days because I then do TOO much.

See, on my GOOD days I am sore, achy, pain in hands and feet are severe,and I am fatigued. I need a 1-2 hr nap every afternoon to get thru the rest of the day. That is my norm.  I found it worse when I couldn’t take my meds for a few days. Now I know how good they do work! Thank God for them. However, my norm would be unbelievable to someone “normal”. Most people don’t wake up feeling like they ran a 48 hr marathon and just finished 5 minutes ago. I have to conserve what I do so I have enough energy to finish my day. As of yet, I am not real good at that, but I am learning. And it is frustrating.

I spoke with my chat friends about spouses. The consensus is they try. My hubby works all day, physical work, no a/c or real heat in a warehouse, and is tired. It is hard for him to understand that how he feels at day’s end is what I feel like on a REALLY GOOD morning. I don’t know that I would have 10 years ago. Then you start getting hit with the MS fatigue (I struggled with off and on for a few years before it became consistent then diagnosed). UGH! Now, I get it all too much.

Am I angry? Sometimes. I feel everything happens for a reason. God does have a plan. We just don’t know what it is.

Does it suck? Absolutely! But there are worse things. MS is not fatal. I just need to adjust to my new “norm”. If and when things change, I will have to adjust again.

Life isn’t how I planned it. How often is it? Trying my best to live it. One prayer at a time.

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